Chapter 13

July 2008

My feelings were torn as I walked off the airplane after landing back in Buffalo.  Ryan was staying in Michigan for a couple more weeks to spend much needed time with his family and to begin some pre-season training with his old coaches at Michigan State.  I was going to miss him, but I was also ready to get back to Buffalo and back to the firehouse.

The last two weeks had been like a dream-haven for me.  We didn’t have any outside distractions and I was able to relax and completely be myself around him.  It was the same with Ryan.  He was excited for me to know him around his family and to prove to me that he really was just a normal guy.  I’m not quite sure how normal a guy can be when he is built like Stretch-Armstrong, but hey, I’m not complaining.

As I walked out into the terminal, reality smacked me in the face as I found Patrick waiting for me with some dark-haired beauty giggling at every word.  I had been hoping for some time alone with him because I wanted to announce my engagement to him without an audience.  I wasn’t quite sure how he was going to take the news and truthfully, after staring at my ring the whole flight home, I was actually wondering how I was taking the whole being engaged thing.  It didn’t quite sink in yet and it felt weird to see his ring on my finger.

Of course, it seemed like the next logical step in our relationship.  I was very happy with him and we seemed to get each other.  I was fairly sure that this was what love was supposed to feel like.  Granted, as happy as I was with Ryan, I never experienced the butterflies or sparks that you are taught in the fairy tales.  Then again, my life was definitely not made of fairy-tales, so I’ve never come to expect things to work out like that.  I was comforted by the fact that Ryan always treated me like a million bucks and I knew he would never do me wrong.

I watched as Patrick laughed with this stranger and somewhere deep inside, a small ache took hold in my chest as I watched him smile at her.  Before today, I had only seen that smile when he was looking at me.

The smile on his face didn’t change as he looked up and found me, proving that my thoughts were correct.  He dropped the girl’s hand and quickly walked over to me, scooping me up, tightly in his arms.

“I missed you!” he whispered happily into my ear.

“I’ve missed you too,” I said, making sure I masked my disappointment that he brought a friend along to pick me up.

He took my hand and walked me over to the mystery woman who was basically pouting because he had left her alone for a couple seconds.  She automatically annoyed me with her mannerisms.  She was dressed like Paris Hilton in some crazy, ritzy outfit that screamed, “Look at me!” and had her hands on her hips like she was saying, “He’s all mine.”

Of course he’s all yours, honey.  But I had him first.

“Emma, I’d like you to meet my girlfriend, Monica.  We met at the lake house two weeks ago,” he said with his irresistible little boy smile that begged me for consent.

Okay, time to play big girl, Emma.  I stuck my hand out to the girl and with a big smile said, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Monica.  Hope you realize how much you will have your hands full with this one.”

She gingerly shook my hand like it was dirty and said, “Oh, don’t worry.  I already know how much of a handful he is.”  Of course she didn’t look at me when she said these words; instead she looked in lust towards Patty, making the bile rise in the back of my throat.

God bless the boy, but Patrick was blinded by this witch of a brunette and I could tell she had him by the balls without him knowing it.  She was good.

“So you have to tell me about your trip?  How was your first vacation without me?” Patty asked as he placed himself between Monica and me, looping arms with us.

I relaxed a bit, just because he blocked my view from her, so I just pretended that she wasn’t there.  “It was really great.  East Lansing reminded me a lot of the Buffalo suburbs and his family is amazing.”

“Sounds like the place is in the middle of nowhere,” the witch said in an annoying haughty voice.

Patrick either ignored her or didn’t hear her because he began asking me questions on what we did.  So, I told him about all the 4-wheeling and boating, knowing he loved both of those things.  I also told him about being crowned beer-pong champion with Drew, Ryan’s brother.

“Ah, so you found something you are good at!” Patrick said as he punched me lightly in the shoulder.

“Yeah, it has something to do with that whole hand-eye coordination thing, something that you obviously lack on the ice,” I said, jabbing back at him.

We were both laughing when I heard the witch mumble something about Patrick having enough coordination to make a lot more money than it seems I make.  The laughing abruptly stopped as I came to a complete halt.  I saw the look of shock pass over Patty’s face as he looked back at me with a sorrowful glance.

“What the fuck are you thinking?” I mouthed to him.

“I’m sorry,” he mouthed back as he reached for my arm again, forcing me to keep walking with them.  I purposefully stayed quiet for the rest of my trip home.  As soon as the Hummer stopped in front of my house, I hopped out and ran around to the back to grab my bags.  Patrick was already there waiting for me and pleading with me.

“Please, don’t be mad with her, Emma,” he whispered urgently.

“She’s a bitch, Patrick,” I said as I leaned in and grabbed my other bag, hoping to God she heard me. 

“She’s…” he started to stick up for her but stopped as soon as the diamond on my left hand caught the sunlight.  “Hold it.  What the hell is that?” He asked with a monotone voice through his clenched jaw.

“Ryan proposed to me,” I said plainly.  Not caring anymore about telling him gently because at this moment I didn’t care if I dropped a nuclear bomb on him.

“And you said yes?” he asked as he slammed the hatch, looking at me with a strange twisted expression.

“Well, I wouldn’t be wearing it if I didn’t say yes,” I shot back.

“Emma…are you sure about this?” he pleaded as grabbed my hand when I began walking towards the house.

“As sure as you seem to be about staying with someone that insults your best friend,” I snapped as I yanked my hand from his.  “Thank you for the ride.  I will see you around when the witch leaves town.”

He didn’t argue with me, instead I felt him staring at my back as I opened the door to the empty house and walked inside.  As soon as I closed the door I fell back against the door and slid to the floor as tears flooded my cheeks.

January 2009 – the morning after the epic hook-up

I woke up, startled by the unfamiliarity of my surroundings.  My initial worries were quelled by the soft snoring I heard coming from behind me.  I slowly turned to find a peaceful, sleeping smile on Patrick’s face.  He looked as he did when he was a child, always appearing like he had no cares in the world when he was zonked out.

I couldn’t help but smile to myself.  I gingerly moved his arm that was draped across my body.  Most of the night he held me possessively against him, but at one point I told him that he had to give me some room to breathe.

I rolled out of the bed and sneaked over to the bathroom.  After relieving my bladder, I turned on the sink to rinse my face.  I looked up into the mirror only to find a stranger looking back at me.  Never in a million years did I think I would cheat on the man I promised to marry.  My stomach immediately tied itself up in knots and I felt immense guilt radiating from my pores.  I quickly washed up, trying to get the scent of my transgressions off my skin and got dressed.  I walked out to the kitchen and found a cab service that was actually running in the terrible weather.  I wrote a note for Patrick and left without looking back.

I woke up with dreams of last night replaying in my mind.  I reached out to grab Emma, only to feel that she wasn’t there.  I finally opened my eyes and found that the bed was empty and I was by myself.  I slid my feet over to her side to feel that she must have been gone long enough that her body heat had already evaporated from the mattress sheets.

“Emma?” I called out with a hoarse voice.  I cleared my throat and called again, but no answer.  I got out of bed and stumbled by the empty bathroom, noticing that her clothing was gone and mine folded neatly on the sink counter.  Hope was still there as I walked out into the living room and kitchen area, but my gut clenched when I found a piece of paper and pen lying on the counter.

I’m sorry.  I love you. ~Emmy

The “I’m sorry” barely registered because all I could stare at was the “I love you. ~Emmy.”  I was crushed that she wasn’t here when I woke up, but I didn’t care because she said she loved me.  Of course, it never dawned on me that in an hour I would have to face her fiancé at the rink for practice.

“Hey! Thanks for taking Em in last night.  She still seemed exhausted this morning, but I’m glad she got to spend some time with you for a change because the whole Monica thing has been a little rough on her,” Ryan said as he walked into the locker room to get changed for practice.

“Huh?  Oh, yeah, hey, no problem,” I stuttered, not even attempting to look into Ryan’s eyes.  It all of a sudden hit me that this didn’t just have to do with Emma and me, but this had to do with Ryan and possibly the team, depending on how ugly things got.  “I’m just glad I could talk her into taking a break from work,” I mumbled.

“Yeah, she worries me because she seems to work so much.  However, I know how important her job is to her, so I don’t say much.”

“She at home sleeping now?” I asked, finally gaining enough composure to look over at him.

Luckily, he was paying attention to dressing himself, so I still didn’t have to look him in the face.  “Yeah, it was strange.  I never heard her come home and when I went to leave for practice, I found her sound asleep on the couch.  I woke her up to let her know I was leaving and she just mumbled something about a taxi.”

“Heh, yeah, I didn’t even know she left this morning until I got up to make coffee,” I half lied and already feeling bad about the situation.

I got out on the ice and cleared my head for the 45 minutes of ice time.  I needed to make sure I kept myself focused on hockey and not about how her skin felt against mine and how she sounded when she cried out my name.

I could still smell her on my fingers as I went to put my gloves back on after a drill on the ice.  My thoughts were instantly changed when a body slammed me into the boards.

“What ya smelling your fingers for, Kaleta?  You have a good hook-up last night?” Stafford chirped as him and Mair both plowed into me.

I put my gloves back on and pushed Stafford backwards a little bit as I scowled at him.  “Fuck you man.”

He put his hands up in defense and said, “Whoa, I was just joking with you.  Besides, I know Emma was over last night so I didn’t…no, wait.  Shit.  You didn’t, did you?”

I looked up at him and Mair, knowing that I could not hide the look that was on my face.  “Oh shit,” Mair breathed quietly.  “What the fuck were you thinking?”

Before I could answer, Stafford spoke up.  “He didn’t need to think.  This has been something in the making since the two became best friends.”

Mair looked at him and then looked back at me as Stafford stood there still staring at me.  “What are you talking about?” Mair asked, obviously confused by the knowing looks passing between Stafford and I.

Drew broke the staring contest and looked at Mair as he spoke quietly, “Kaletes here has been in love with that girl since the day I met him.  Unfortunately he never made his move…until last night it seems.”

The whistle blew, calling us all back together on the ice for the next drill.  As I skated away, Mair put his hand on my shoulder.  “Your secret is safe with me bud and so is Emma’s.”

I just nodded my head and put my head back into practice, knowing that sooner or later I was going to have to face the truth.  I made love with Ryan Miller’s fiancé and I plan on making her mine.

February 2009

It was 11pm and I was rinsing the Rescue off after we got back from the last fender bender.  I felt my phone vibrate on my hip as I bent over to pick up the squeegee.

Ryan: Hey babe, have a safe night.  I love you.

Me: Thanks see you tomorrow evening, hopefully.

Ryan: I love you.

Me: Love you too.

Ugh.  I couldn’t play this lying game much longer without going crazy.  This was not who I was.  I kicked one of the buckets, causing the soapy water to slosh out of the bucket, onto the floor.

“They make punching bags for that kind of stuff,” a humored voice said as he walked around the back of the fire truck, startling me.

“How did you get in here, Patrick?” I asked feeling defeated.

“One of the volunteers left me in while you guys were out on the call.  I was just talking to Charlie while you were down here rinsing off the trucks,” he informed me as he walked over to me and pulled me against him.  I was still in my bunker pants and boots, so I barely felt his hand cup my ass through the bulky protective clothing.  “Have I told you how much it turns me on to see you in your gear?” he asked with a cocky smile.

I smiled weakly, “No, but I’m sure you are going to now.”

He pulled back and said, “Nah, not worth it.  It will make your head bigger.”

He was laughing as I punched in him in the shoulder and proceeded to turn away.  I didn’t get very far before he pulled me back towards him and twisted me towards him.  “Don’t walk away from me,” he breathed into my ear.  “I’ve missed you, love.”

He leaned down and kissed me softly, causing my head to spin.  I enjoyed having him want me like this and it was definitely exhilarating to see the lust in his eyes every time he looked at me.  However, I felt my heart ache a little more every time he did this.  I gently pushed back on his chest and pulled away slightly so that I could look him in the eyes.  It had been almost a month since we first made love in his apartment.  We had only been together one other time since because it bothered us both so much that we were hiding this from Ryan.

“Patrick.  I can’t do this much longer.”

“I can’t either, I’m going crazy Emma.  It makes me angry knowing that you are still in his bed every night and I’m left holding a pillow.  How are we going to tell him?”

“I’m just going to come out and say it, I guess.  I don’t know what else to do,” I said as I turned away took some steps in the opposite direction, running my fingers through my tangled hair.

“I’ll help you move your stuff out of the house.  Stafford and Mair said they’d help also…”

“I don’t want to cause problems amongst the team,” I said helplessly.

Patrick came up behind me and wrapped his strong arms around the front of me, pulling my back against him.  “You won’t cause problems.  I won’t let them happen.  Plus, Ryan is not the type to bring his personal problems into the locker room.  I can’t see this being any different.  You should know that.”

I left my head rest backwards onto his shoulder.  I looked up at him and nodded my head.  “You are right.  I do know that; I guess that’s what kills me the most.  I don’t want to hurt him.”

“By keeping up these lies, it will only make things worse,” he said quietly as he kissed my forehead.  The engine room was quiet; everyone was either in the crew lounge or in bed.  Patrick and I just stood in the same position for several minutes, listening to each other’s breath.  I shivered as his large hands slid up from my waist to my stomach and then cupping my breasts.  Patrick leaned down and kissed my neck as he pinched lightly at my nipples through my fire company t-shirt and layer of UnderArmor.

“Mmm, stoooop,” I whined.

“No, I’ve missed you and I want you, Emma,” he pleaded heavily into my ear.

“I’m at work.”

“And everyone is either sleeping or occupied with other things…”

“You are going to get me fired.”

“Not if we’re quick,” he said as he began helping me out of my bunker gear.  I laughed nervously and slipped on my work boots as I pulled him towards the reserve engine in the back of the station.  If we did have a call, I would have enough time to get to my gear rack and Patrick could hide until we cleared the station.

I climbed up the back of the truck, onto the hose bed.  He followed my lead as he said, “Didn’t they do this in the movie Backdraft?”

I pulled him the rest of the way up and down on top of me and said, “I didn’t think you would be picky about where we made love.”

He grinned, “Believe me, I’m 100% for this and 100% turned on for it.”  His lips then came down hard onto mine as he began undoing the belt of my pants and struggling to get my layers off of me.  He pushed my shirt up enough so that he could get to my breasts and left my pants around my ankles.  I insisted that he take off his shirt so that I could revel in his large, muscular chest.  Our kisses were rushed but needy, knowing we didn’t have a lot of time to get this done.

Accidentally, I left out a moan as he entered me, causing him to place a hand over my mouth with a half warning look and a half dangerous smile as he set a rigorous pace.  Even though the act was rushed, it again was one of the most passionate things I’ve ever done with another man.  The look in Patrick’s eyes as he took me on the hose bed was a look that made my heart cry out with joy and love.  Maybe the fairy tales were right.  Love really does make your heart sing.

He breathed heavily into my ear as he made his last couple thrusts, grunting out about the fact that I felt so good and how much we needed to be together so that he could have me like this everyday.  I just smiled and bit down on his shoulder as my own orgasm tore through me, afraid that I might scream out loud if I didn’t keep my mouth occupied.

One of the things I enjoyed about Patrick’s body was the way he was built.  I reveled in the idea of how I felt safe and protected under his stocky, muscular stature.  Ryan also had a great body, but he was so thin even though he could lift things heavier than me in the weight room. However, I was sometimes worried that I was going to hurt him with my own strength.  This was never a worry with Patrick.

We were both shivering from the incredible sex we just had along with the chill we both accrued by the sweat and the cool temperature of the bays.

“That was amazing,” he whispered as kissed me sweetly on the forehead.

“Mmm, it was,” I said with a shy smile.  He helped me get my clothing back on and then I helped him with his.  He climbed agilely down off the truck and then helped me, even though I knew how to get around these trucks better than he could.

Once we were back on the ground, he pulled me close to him once more and smoothed my hair with his hands as he stared deeply into my eyes.

I took a deep breath and quietly said, “I’m going to tell him tomorrow.  I have to.”

“I will be there with you.  He needs to hear it from both of us because we are both his friends,” he said, still staring into my eyes.

“Do you think that is the best idea?”

He just nodded.

“Okay, after the game tomorrow night then.”

“After the game,” he repeated my words.  “You are sure about this, right?”

“Sure about you and me?” I asked, slightly confused.

“Yeah,” he answered seriously.

“As sure as I was about becoming a fire fighter,” I said plainly.  Knowing that only Patty knew how serious I really was.

“I love you Emmy.  I love you more than anything in this world and I always have,” he cooed as he pulled me into a tight hug.

“I love you too, Patty.  I’m just glad you showed me what love really is.”